India and Indians have been for numerous years hosting a
number of terrorists in their prisons, feeding them biryani and desi beer, and providing ample
supply of Bollywood movies and dancing girls to keep these prisoners gainfully occupied. But enough is
enough, says the Indian public. With majority of Indians not being able to
afford even one decent meal, or snack, per day, it seems cruel to be hosting
and feasting these one-man demolition squads that massacre hundreds of innocent
civilians in the name of God and Peace on monthly basis.
The solution to this long drawn problem has come from none
other than the US government (since the GOI is incapable of thinking and
regularly outsources ‘thinking’ to China). The US Department of Labor has put
in an official request to GOI to ship terrorist-prisoners from India,
after these prisoners were observed to be languishing idly in the Indian prisons, either
twiddling their thumbs in endless boredom or attempting to provoke the prison authorities, for want of something to do, by passing
unkind and insensitive comments on the day’s menu.
The decision was made after
the US government saw videos of India’s two most famous terrorist-prisoners,
Afzal Guru and Kasab, looking fit and muscular, and throwing banana peels at the prison guards for amusement. In
fact, one American official was overheard remarking in great admiration that
the rippling muscles of Kasab were nothing like he had ever seen in the US
prisons. The overwhelmed official said that the two inmates could very easily accomplish what ten
American prisoners typically do in one day. Each of these terrorist prisoners would
be assigned the task of building everyday anything from a dozen lounge chairs and three
rocking chairs (the kind Americans in
Midwest and South typically have on their porch to while away the sunny
afternoons) to fixing the heads on hundred Barbie dolls, said the official under condition of anonymity.
In exchange for these terrorist-prisoners, the American
government has promised India a call-centre. When the memorandum of
understanding for the terrorist-prisoners and call-centre exchange program is
signed, India will get one call centre for every 100 muscular terrorist-prisoners
shipped to the US every month, for the next two years. However, a number of Indian
activists have protested against this exchange, terming it imbalanced and
unfair to India, because India would get only one call centre for every 100
prisoners shipped per month, every two years. The Indian government has refused
to do the Maths, saying the effort makes its head spin. But the US government has
assured India that after the initial two year period, the contract will come up for
revision. There would be no reason why India should not get one call centre for
100 terrorist-prisoners shipped per month every year, if the Indian
government provides consistently high quality shipment, said an American
official speaking on condition of anonymity. But the socialites have protested
again saying that this tricky clause has been introduced by the ‘cunning Americans
knowing fully well that Indian products are never of consistently high quality.’
The terrorist-prisoners will be sent to the US on
Hollandaise, an ocean liner from one of America’s closest ally in Europe. The
company that owns the ocean liner has been awarded an annual contract by the American
government to transport the terrorist-prisoners from various developing
countries to the US. The company has had a long history of transporting slave
labor from the African continent to the New Worlds, and is fully equipped to do the job
effectively and efficiently, according to the company spokesperson, Mr Fun deer
Meer.
The exchange program comes in the wake of a report recently released: Locking Down an American Workforce: Prison Labor as the Past and Future of American“Free-Market” Capitalism, by Steve Fraser and Joshua B. Freeman. According to the report:
"Prisoners, whose ranks increasingly consist of those for
whom the legitimate economy has found no use, now make up a virtual brigade
within the reserve army of the unemployed whose ranks have ballooned along with
the U.S. incarceration rate. The Corrections
Corporation of America and GEO, two prison privatizers, along with a third
smaller operator, G4S (formerly Wackenhut), sell inmate labor at subminimum
wages to Fortune 500 corporations like Chevron, Bank of America, AT&T, and
IBM.
These companies can,
in most states, lease factories in prisons or prisoners to work on the
outside. All told, nearly a million
prisoners are now making office furniture, working in call centres, fabricating
body armor, taking hotel reservations, working in slaughterhouses, or
manufacturing textiles, shoes, and clothing, while getting paid somewhere
between 93 cents and $4.73 per day….”
